Migratory restlessness (in humans) and following your dreams.

I recently heard the term migratory restlessness. I was on my daily walk, listening to a podcast. Migratory restlessness of course being a term relating to birds and how they fly south for the winter. I got all excited and immediately thought, that´s me! I felt like a person finally getting a medical diagnosis explaining what has been plaguing them for years. I wondered if the term had ever been applied to humans. I googled “Migratory restlessness in humans” without result. I found that strange. It´s definitely a thing. I have felt it all my life. But it´s probably called something else. Like seasonal depression on something like that. But that´s not what I mean. I´m not talking about depression. I´m talking about the relentless, internal restlessness that vibrates through your entire nervous system urging you to fly away. There are definitely more people like me that live in dark and cold places that feel that restlessness all winter long. Personally I don´t anymore since I permanently migrated to the south coast of Sweden. Yeah sure, the winters here can be pretty dark and cold, but they are so much shorter than in Iceland. Plus the rest of the year is amazing. And you´re not stuck on an island. You can just jump in your car and drive to another country if you get restless.

I have been fascinated by foreign countries for as long as I can remember. For me they represented something new and exciting. I loved the Wrigley's chewing gum commercial that played on TV when I was a child. Teenagers by the water. The afternoon sun kissing their healthy, happy faces. How they slid the silver sheets of gum out of the green paper cover and flipped the silver foil aside reveling the gum. How they slid a plate of gum into their mouths. Ran along a small dock and jumped into the water. Laughing and carefree. Once, I had some Wrigley's gum in my pocket when the commercial came on. I opened a plate of gum with the kids in the commercial and jumped into the water with them. Pure bliss.

I used to spend endless hours flipping through mail order catalogues like Kays, Freemans and Quelle, when I was a kid. They were quite popular in Iceland in the ´80. Probably do to the lack of stores. I wasn´t flipping through them for the clothes, but for the people. The looked so happy with their sun kissed faces. In light summer clothes, often barefoot, by the sea. I wanted to emerge myself in those pictures and be one of them. Happily skip along the beach with the models. As soon as we got a new catalogue in the mail, I opened it, stuck my nose in between the pages and took a deep breath. I loved that smell. To me it smelled of sunshine and promise.

I remember seeing travel photos in my grandparents' photo album. I think they were taken in Portugal. Grandma and grandpa tanned and relaxed. Their usual pasty complexion miles away. Those pictures held a completely different atmosphere than Icelandic everyday life. Grandma smiling in a colorful dress surrounded by beautiful trees and flowers. Pictures of my mom and dad abroad. Same vibe in those pictures. I wanted to experience it too. I wanted to dive into those pictures and experience this unattainable dream world for myself.

When I was eight years old, my dream came true when we went to Mallorca. Three weeks of paradise. I am so grateful for those weeks. My best childhood memories. Family vacation. The only real one we had. Everyone so happy and relaxed. No stress, no responsibilities, just precious moments to be remembered forever. I can still travel back in my mind and experience the whole journey and the feeling of being there. There is no better investment than spending time with your children.

I often read the obituaries in the newspaper as a child. I always stopped at the ones with elderly people who had lived abroad. "Died at home in Santa Barbara", "died in a nursing home in Munich", and so on. I was so intrigued and fascinated. Imagined they had lived exciting lives and seen all kinds of things that I had not. I longed to hear their life story. And I too wanted to live and die abroad.

When I was about to turn forty, I had this awful realization that I might never live abroad again. That maybe this was it. Maybe this would be the rest of my life. Totally predictable. The same stuff over and over again. I talked to my husband and after careful thought and a number of different reasons, we made the decision to move before the girls became teenagers. We sold, threw or gave away almost everything we had and moved to Sweden. Realizing my dream of living abroad again. I love it and I´m thankful for that decision everyday. Not that it´s been easy. Not at all. But totally worth it.

When we came to Sweden it felt like coming home. I can´t explain it. But this is where I belong. We rented a furnished house our first year here, before buying our own. As soon as I walked into the house we ended up buying I knew it was meant for us. I knew this house had been waiting for me. It welcomed me with open arms. After checking out the second floor I walked straight to the real estate agent and made an offer without having seen the rest house. I have never wanted anything more in my life, except for my husband. So I aggressively bid for it until it was ours.

In Sweden I often get the question: "why did you move here?". I find myself wondering if I should explain my fascination with the happy people in the Keys mail order catalogue, or the kids in the Wrigley's commercial. Or how I envied dead people who had lived exciting lives abroad, but that might make me seem weird.

Icelanders never ask. They know. They understand. They know about the never-ending winter darkness, the indexation and the summer that might or might not come.

But just to make it clear. Me experiencing migratory restlessness my entire life has nothing to do with lack of love for my country. I love Iceland. I love smoked haddock, blood sausage, Icelandic lamb, dried fish and the summer birds of Iceland. I love the midnight sun, Icelandic traditions and the pool culture. The mountains, black beaches and the strong wind that provides us with the freshest air in the world. My family, my origin, my roots.

When people ask me why we moved here, maybe I should just reply with: “ I have a condition called migratory restlessness and the only cure was to move here”.

#followyourdreams #happiness #travellife #makeyourdreamscometrue